I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
