He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
