This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
