I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
