Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
