i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
