this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
