It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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