i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
