I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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