I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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