How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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