I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
