There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
