She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize