yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
