I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
