meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
