Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
