cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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