Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So here I am, sexting at work.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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