thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
