It's like God shit irony all over that family
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
