He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
