She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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