thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
