I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
