I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
