so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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