from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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