My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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