just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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