yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
