i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
