I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
