hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
