i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
