dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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