I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
