Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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