it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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