best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
