There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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