if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
