She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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