Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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