I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
