I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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