where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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