I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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