Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
