I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
