I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how drunk are you?
Several
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
