recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
