Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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