Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
