drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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