honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
