i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
