It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
