she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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