a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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