how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize