so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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