so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
