sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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