you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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