so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
