dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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