Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
