We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
