Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
