Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
