Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
